Running Like The Devil's Chasing Me

I'm often reminded of how complex the human mind can be. There are times that we can't understand what's bothering us. That is to say, we know some thing's on our mind, but it's buried so deep, we can't figure out what it is. Sometimes, however, it's so deep that we're not even aware that it's an issue until it surfaces somehow.

I do some of my best thinking when I run. I remember when it became too hectic for me to handle at home, which it would from time to time, I would go for a walk. My walks would later become jogs. The jogs in turn became runs. Sometimes I left to clear my head and think over what was happening. Other times I would leave to calm down. I found running became the best method for this. Not only did it calm me down faster, but it helped me to think faster because of the increased use of my brain due to the running. I found myself ready to return to situation and try and solve it as best I could. Because of this, running became my escape in many ways. I could simply disappear from somewhere and reappear with a more calm, clear mind. Also, it allowed me to just get away from people, for there are times that I simply want my space. There were even times that I couldn't just simply leave and go run, so I would wait until late at night, when everyone else was asleep, and run. Sometimes, I ran just to feel free.

It was because of my running that I realized something, I'm still mad at my dad. When my family first abandoned me, I had a favorite song. "Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet" by Relient K. I listened to it as thought about what had happened. I didn't and still don't hate my dad, but I was mad at him for so long, I couldn't stand the thought of him at times. Imagine how much more painful it was to find I was like him! It was like venom in my mouth, and I was angry with myself! I spent so much time trying to reinvent myself. I changed my looks, how I walked, how I talked, everything. Yet, somehow, I was still my father's son. I could never escape that, no matter how much I wanted to.

Then, suddenly, I found myself freed of this. So what if I am my father son? I am also my Heavenly Father's son. I only have to do what I am called to do and I will become who I will be. That's not so bad, is it? So what if my father was used to be part of the mold that is me? I will be made a new man as Scripture says, so I need not worry.

Yet, then I went for a run. I had my iPod playing my running tracks mix just as I have many times before, when it came on. The song. If you never heard it, the chorus is a little something like, "No I don't hate, don't wanna fight you, know I'll always love you but right now I just don't like you, 'cause you took this too far." That's went I realized, I was still mad at my dad. However, I was able to run it out for now. That's such a great feeling, running your problems down so you can deal with them.

Sweet Sarah, Rest and Be Still

Sarah, Sweet Sarah
Why the tears on your face?
Sarah, Sweet Sarah
For what do you mourn?

Is it because Daddy gone
Or Momma's teary face?
Is for your broken home
Or for all the human race?
Is for the mothers
Or the children in their arms?
Is for the failure
Or all that's gone wrong?

Sarah, Sweet Sarah
Why the tears on your face?
Sarah, Sweet Sarah
For what do you mourn?

(I'm not really sure why I wrote this, who this is to, or anything. I just felt it on my heart and wrote it. I have been coming back to it for a while now and nothing is coming to me on how to finish it. I feel it should be published however.)